To have your cake and eat it too
by Cumcakesxxxx
Summary: L sleekly slipped his tongue into the unhappy Light’s mouth, and tickled the burned, swollen organ with his own cool one. Had nothing tasted sweet to the young detective today? Or perhaps nothing had just tasted sweet enough. 4 part one-shot, LxLight
1. Sweet as Sugar

AN: Well, it's been a while since I've updated or posted a new story, so I thought… what better way to enter the fanfiction universe again then to post a one-shot? And for an extremely cute/sex-ay couple: L and Light!

Haha, so this little thing of mine is basically a one-shot separated into three chappies, basically sex-tions (sections lol).

Soo, anyway, I hope you enjoy! It's supposed to be funny, by the way. lol

PS: the summary was edited to fit the alloted number of characters

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**Chapter 1: sweet as sugar**

It was an odd day.

Even for a detective who was currently on a case involving a serial killer who killed criminals by heart attack, but for some reason, could only operate with a name.

L took a large bite, fitting the full head of his fork, along with the beanie baby sized morsel into his mouth. Then he chewed, slipping his tongue around the slice, skillfully tasting until the dryness melted apart with his saliva. Then he gulped and flicked his tongue.

Yes, defiantly odd.

He shifted slightly in his seat, closing his knees to his chest and fiddling with his left incisor with his thumb.

Like, Ripley's Believe it or not weird.

Today was one of the days that people told their grandchildren about.

Because no matter how much whipped cream he added, no matter how many coats of chocolate garnish he applied, and _even_ with an added large strawberry dipped in rich dark chocolate, L was just not enjoying his mango cream cake with hot chocolate and a cinnamon stick on the side.

He grunted. His eyes and shoulders drooping in that way that made him look like a defiant teen annoyed with a mother's rant.

L shoved the cinnamon stick in his mouth and attempted to go on with his investigation, checking on Yotsuba's profit over the last month. Half the stick stood outstretched, bobbing lightly as he continued to chomp away on the other half in that undignified, unsightly way he ate all his treats.

Halfway through the ump-teenth chomp L's fingers curled into the fabric on his knees. Right eye twitched in irritation. He sucked irritated on the sugar coating. Vein pop.

L was unamused.

Did _nothing _taste sweet to the detective today!?

Dropping the half uneaten stick and hopping up on two wobbly legs, L strutted away from his seat at the computer, visible irritation folding his lips into a defiant pout.

L was hungry and bored (and lacking in the required amount of sweets his daily diet called for) so he decided that he would join the infamous "couple" on their…."date".

That is, if you could really call sitting in a drably furnished room at headquarters with camera's recording your every move a "date".

L wouldn't exactly call is a date, but Misa Amane was sure willing to accept anything so that she might have a time alone with her precious Light. 'Her _boyfriend_' L mused.

Well, L had never really had a problem with being a third wheel before.

So there he was, sitting in the awkward silence that his presence brought. Well, awkward silence at least in his head. In truth, everything out side of the calmness of L's mind was…borderline chaotic.

Light Yagami was menstruating today as always. Insisting that L had forced himself into their date with the intention of noting Light's every move. Looking for _Kira implications_.

Great. First the cookies and coffee L had Watari bring in were so dull to his taste buds he could cry, and now Light was nagging his ear off about interrogating him, and now… Light was worried about his health.

Yeah, yeah, L eats too many sweets; he's going to get diabetes, blah blah blah…

But amidst it all, L couldn't help but think that Light would make a pretty good house wife. Being the straight-A student he was, Light was probably very skilled in cooking.

L could imagine it:

Yagami, Light

Home Economics: A+

And there went the signature creepy grin.

The teenage genius sighed, and leaned back against the couch a bit. Then he reached over for the coffee Watari had so kindly fetched for them.

L could hardly stifle a chuckle, be would rather not have to endure another rant by the beautiful, but annoying Light.

…but he could still grin, right?

Because Light was currently fixated on the coffee he was gently lifting to his mouth.

L noted how smoothly the cup shifted across the air, gently resting on those supple lips and---

He really couldn't concentrate on anything serious anymore.

Light's pinky stood outstretched from the cup, daintily flicking the air, when the coffee connected with his lips and—

"YOW!"

"Light-kun!"

If L had been paying the site any more heed than he was, he would have had to stifle another laugh. Teenage genius Yagami Light had burnt his tongue on coffee, and despite the rawness of his tongue, had had enough decency to safely set the cup atop the coffee table on a _coaster_.

Light really was a housewife.

In spite of the hilarity of it all, L had to admit, the nagging housewife looked kind-of cute: Sticking his tongue out, his hands drawn up cupping the sides of it, with his _girlfriend _hesitantly stammering at his side.

L gawked at the burned tongue, pulsing red from its assault by coffee.

Now, what exactly motivated L to do this is not for me to decipher. L has strange, strange logic that even Light couldn't understand, and despite my position as narrator of this story, I'm afraid that even I don't wield enough power over the characters to explain his train of thought…(I can only be thankful that he thought the way he did!)

After a short series of strange, un-understandable thinking, L had either come to the conclusion that something good could come out of this, or had a revelation.

Whatever is was, he did what did.

'Alright already, so _what_, per say, did the "strange strange L do!?' you may be screaming, well…

After seemingly careful consideration, L had come to the conclusion that he should lean over, seeing as how Misa was out of the way, and sleekly slip his tongue into the unhappy Light's mouth, and tickle the burned, swollen organ with his own cool one.

And after the smallest of all wet slap sounds, L pulled away and gazed in thought and wonder at Light, who was by now, fuming with anger, humiliation and…._butterflies_?

_Cute blush._

L flicked the roof of his mouth, inducing a "popping" sound with his, by now, tingling tongue, ignoring the squeals of disbelief from the blonde celebrity.

_Had nothing tasted sweet to the young detective today?_

Or perhaps nothing had just tasted sweet _enough_.

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End of part one, we'll continue in part two: Cute as Cake!

There will be four-parts to this oneshot, so if you want to read 'till the end—review!

With hearts, stars, and rainbow frogs,

Mwah!

See you next time (I hope)!


	2. Cute as Cake

AN: Haha, sorry for the wait. I've had this done for a long time actually, I was just planning on adding more. But I'm not really liking the bored tone of this story. Usually my comedy writing comes out pointedly, but it's not really what I wanted. Maybe I'll go back and make it a funner read later, but right now I'm just concentrating on finishing.

Haha, thanks for all your lovely reviews guys! I appreciate it a lot, sorry to dissapoint so much with these cruddy chapters. But I promise to get to the good stuff in part 3. Can you saw Lemon? Haha.

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Part 2: Cute as Cake

L pondered for an extra few seconds from his place atop the red couch, with his legs drawn up close to his chest, palms cupped around his knees.

A final small lick of the lip, and L closed in for another taste.

Only to be rewarded with a swift punch across the face, and a throbbing jaw.

L usually fought back to the violence of his more feminine counterpart, but only when he saw fit. Right now he only wanted another sweet taste of the most delicious cake he had ever tasted in his life.

Without hesitation, L picked himself up and dragged Light by his sun-kissed hand over to the AV room and pinned him to the wall.

"I want a bite." He stated-more-inquired, seemingly puzzled himself.

Light-kun tastes like cake.

Strange revelations….

---

To say Light was puzzled would be an understatement. To say he was angry would be pretty accurate.

The perpetually black-eyed detective known to the public as L had dragged him away from his date (though to say that this was the reason he was angry wouldn't be the truth), and forced him up against a wall…in a both violent and suggestive manner.

If this were a movie, this would be the point where the conservative mother snaps her hands in front of her little children's eyes and declares the end of their viewing.

From this scene one could deduce an outcome of almost any sort; a violent beating, rape, or maybe just some hardcore gay sex.

L's pale palms were flat with the wall space on the sides of Light's head. His body was on a very small incline due to the height difference, and his mouth was slightly agape and panting. Those eyes could perfectly suit a Halloween character now. They were wide, with a larger spot of white and smaller pupil than usual. And the dark shade beneath was even darker as a cause of the dim lighting.

L was usually a man to keep his composure. He had been in all sorts of harsh situations and there were multiple people who wanted him dead—especially Kira, the one who could kill simply by knowing his name.

People considered him innocent. He never insulted people, and took bad news with a nod and consideration.

But upon closer inspection, L was really an ass.

He always mocked his "rival", did things to purposefully piss him off and get him riled up, just for the sake of determining whether or not he was Kira… the percentage of which had already dropped a considerable amount since Light's release from his cell. And even though it was for the sake of catching a criminal, it was still a pretty bastardly thing to do, especially since Light was the one who helped him the most and was the hardest worker. But L just couldn't help it. Even before his strange revelation he had always thought that Light was interesting and definitely very cute when he was steaming mad.

L had always been a joker. Even though he was a detective, he had to keep a good and positive mood, and to do this, he was pretty passive.

But there was one thing L never joked about, and that was sweets.

So the fact that this had to do with sweets, L was willing to abandon his passive demeanor and not worry that he was panting whilst staring hard and vulnerably into the eyes of his rival. And that his palms were sweaty and making squelching sounds when it moved against the walls in time with the trembling of his body.

L looked Light intensely in the eyes. His own were wide and vulnerable…and pleading.

Light was weirded out the say the least. To see Ryuuzaki like this was just strange. Though he hated to admit it, Light had grown used to the man, and had felt comfortable around him…even safe. He was dealing with criminal work on a daily basis and was putting his life in danger. But just the fact that L was there made him feel considerably more protected.

Another minute of panting and awkwardness, Light has still failed to both say anything and push Ryuuzaki away.

"I want a bite." The detective said, and plunged his head against the younger man's.

To say Light was puzzled would be an understatement. To say he was mad would be overdoing it.

The older man shoved his head harder against the smaller ones. Securing their lips together and their tongues shoving against each other's in a battle for dominance which he quickly won.

Light had never expected Ryuuzaki to take the initiative in this relationship. This was his first surprise, and it was quite startling. Be never, in a trillion, ca-jillion years had he thought that L would be such an amazing kisser! He wouldn't have even been surprised if the freak was still a virgin!

But here, the little weirdo was, mashing their lips together, licking his way up and down around every corner of Light's till now, unexplored mouth.

Light's eyes widened when L moved his lips down just a little more and latched onto his swollen and pillow-soft bottom lip, and he began to suck on it vigorously.

Light raised shaky, tan hands and clasped onto L's baggy, over-worn sweater.

L could taste Light in his mouth; the essence was over powering and amazing. He tasted like an assortment of berries. Berries and cake, all in one mouthful of lip? He wouldn't mind taking that to bed.

Light stood on his tiptoes and crushed himself against L's chest. His eyes were by now closed, and the heat from his flushed face had clamored its way down to his groin. The intensity was so overbearing to poor little Light that even his thighs felt clammy and heavy...wait. The intensity of the situation was so overbearing to poor little Light that it felt like the stiff hand that was previously planted on the wall next to his face, his wiggled its way down to his thighs and there was a now a pale, clammy hand groping around in the interior of his jeans.

Felt.

_Felt_.

Because L had _not _stuffed his disgusting, grubby little talons down L's jeans, fingering the waistband of his Calvin Klein boxers, as if urging him to drop his pants and spread his legs like some pathetic little virgin slut.

Because if fable had become reality, then the picture of L with a bullet hole through his temple sprouting in Light's mind would soon join it.

A rough squeeze at Light's hindquarters jostled him back to reality, and his position practically underneath his arch nemesis.

Light bit down on the pale lip that was sucking at his tongue, and pushed himself backwards against the wall.

"What do you think I am!?" He screeched at the pervert detective, bringing a fist up to block his violated mouth, though what he really should've been blocking was behind him, against the wall.

"Lunch." L state matter-of-factly, though his voice was sultry with non-subtle hints of perverted intent.

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End file.
